I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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