Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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