Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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