thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
