This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
