Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
