Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
