Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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