The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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