I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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