I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
