me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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