is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
