I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize