I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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