I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
