Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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