Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
