Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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