Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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