Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
