The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
