I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
