hotel room ftw
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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