I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
