I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
