This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I FOUND THE LEGS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
