If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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