Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
