I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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