I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
