And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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