Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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