ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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