The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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