i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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