I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
