Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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