i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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