Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
