im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
