the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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