my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
