Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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