He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
