She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
