I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
