I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
