Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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