I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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