I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
