I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
