I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there was a trapeze. enough said
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
