she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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