I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
