I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
