Kareoke will never be a sober sport
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
