I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
