Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
