it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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