JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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